sábado, 9 de abril de 2016

In case you haven't figured it out yet, Ezra Bridger is Snoke #SciFi

By Victor Hernandez

In case you haven't noticed already, Ezra Bridger from Star Wars Rebels is "Supreme Leader" Snoke from The Force Awakens.

You probably haven't figured it out because of the avalanche of clearly fabricated YouTube videos pointing to bogus "theories" about Snoke. But here we're going to give you all of the evidence that supports the claim that Ezra Bridger is in fact Snoke.

But before that, I feel it is necessary to explain the following:

First of all, let's get one thing straight: Although I'm a Star Wars fan, I did not like The Force Awakens and I think it sucks. I do like Star Wars Rebels, though. Jar-Jar Abrams and Disney Binks did a terrible job with The Force Awakens and it should not be considered neither a Star Wars movie nor Star Wars canon. Episode 7 is a TERRIBLE fan film at best.

As per Rebels, it is the only Star Wars related work right now that actually deserves to be called Star Wars. Why? Because Dave Filoni, the supervising director for the series, actually worked side by side with George Lucas for 6 years and he is the only one who truly understands what Star Wars is all about. Disney doesn't. Jar-Jar Abrams CLEARLY desn't. But Filoni does. Filoni is George Lucas's Padawan and he should be directing and writing the new trilogy, not Disney.

So I shouldn't be wasting my time writing about a character from that shitty Episode 7. But I do think it is my duty to keep people from being dooped by all of those bogus YouTube videos clearly made by corporations that want you to think they are done by amateur youtubers. Those videos are intended to make you think you should give a crap about Episode 8 when in reality after Episode 7 clearly fucked Star Wars for true fans of George Lucas's work and nobody should give a shit about the new trilogy.

Okay. Once that's out of my system, lets get to the evidence.


Episode 7 is so poorly written and directed that one shouldn't even bother to try to make sense out of it. But just for the sake of getting this over with, let's list what we know about Snoke so far:

1. Heis either human or humanoid.

2. He is old.

3. He has a lot of scars and clear physical damage, particularly accross his head, with a wound that resembles Anakin Skywalker's scars from being burnt at Mustafar (we'll get back to this issue later).

4. He's bald.

5. He's well versed in the dark side of the force and even claims he can "finish" Kylo Ren's training in the dark side.

6. He was smart enough or powerful enough to seduce Ben Solo (AKA Kylo Ren) to the dark side of the force and to be the leader of whatever was left from the Empire.


1. At age 15, 4 years before the events of A New Hope, Ezra Bridger is a Padawan (though too old to begin the training according to the old Jedi code), learning the ways of the force from Jedi Knight Caleb Dume, also known as Kanan Jarrus.

2. He has used the dark side of the force three times. One: to summon a beast so the beast could attack the Grand Inquisitor in Season 1 of Star Wars Rebels; Two: to lift rocks and get to the center of a Sith Temple in Malachor during the first part of the finale of Season 2; Three: to open a Sith holocron during the very last shot of the finale of Season 2.

3. During Season 2, the Force inside a Jedi temple in Lothal warned Kanan Jarrus that Ezra Bridger would be consumed by the dark side of the Force. This was confirmed later in the Season when Ezra got "hypnotized" by a Sith monolith with ancient writing. While "hypnotized," Ezra touched the Sith monolith and opened a way into the Sith temple. Being "hypnotized" by the dark side only confirmed Ezra's disposition to be consumed by the dark side.

4. Ezra's past as an angry orphan pre-disposes him to turn to the dark side of the force, much like Anakin Skywalker, because of a desire to "protect" the ones he cares for.

5. Ezra Bridger is the same age as Luke Skywalker. Meaning that, if he survived Rebels, Ezra would be an old man (Luke's age) in The Force Awakens. Just like Snoke.

6. Aside from Emperor Palpatine, Darth Vader and Darth Maul, Ezra Bridger is the only character alive in the new Star Wars canon with actual knowledge of the Sith and the dark side of the force (Vader's inquisitors only know how to use the dark side, not the knowledge of the Sith).


Before we continue explaining why Ezra Bridger is Snoke, it is imperative I explain to you why Snoke is not Anakin Skywalker, as some idiots have claimed in YouTube just for click bait.

The source for that asinine "theory" is Snoke's scar accross his skull and down his forehead. That scar looks a lot like the scar we saw on Anakin Skywalker's head after Luke Skywalker removed Darth Vader's mask on Return of the Jedi.

There's only one problem: Snoke has hands. Anakin does not.

Anakin Skywaler lost his right arm fighting Count Dooku on Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. Then he lost his left arm fighting against Obi-Wan Kenobi on Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. He also lost both of his legs during that fight.

One more thing: Snoke has eyebrows. Vader doesn't as per the
DVD version of Return of the Jedi.

So where did Snoke get the new hands?

"Oh, they are mechanical hands, like Luke's hand in The Empire Strikes Back", some will say. Then why not add some reconstructive surgery to Snoke's head?

No. Those are not mechanical hands. Those are HANDS. And Anakin lost both of his hands by Episode 3. Period.

Oh, and by the way; Anakin died in Return of the Jedi. That's why you can see his force ghost next to Yoda and Obi-Wan on Endor. There's no way his body could've survived being burnt in pyre.

Speaking of burnt Darth Vader. In Episode 7 Kylo Ren talks to Darth Vader's burnt helmet and refers to it as "grandfather". But then, when talking to the burnt helmet in second person, he mentions Snoke in the third person. Meaning Kylo Ren knows Snoke is not Anakin Skywalker.

Thus, I rest my case: Snoke is NOT Anakin Skywalker. Moving on.


Some other moron on YouTube said Snoke is the host of some form of force spirit Darth Plagueis The Wise (Palpatine's Sith master) that had been passed from Plagueis to Palpatine after Plagueis death; then to Darth Maul; then to Palpatine again; and then to Vader. And then somehow to Snoke.

Which is 100% organic, pasture fed bovine extreta.

Because according to that "theory's" logic, supposedly Palpatine, after killing Plagueis in his sleep, somehow got infected with Plagueis spirit. Palpatine infected Darth Maul. But Maul was killed on Naboo by Obi-Wan Kenobi while Palpatine was in Coruscant. So how could Plagueis infect somebody? Unless you want to claim that Plagueis infected Obi-Wan (which is beyond stupid).

Palpatine came back to Naboo, yes, but there is no indication that he was in contact with Maul's body.

And by the way: according to The Clone Wars and Rebels, Maul didn't die. So how did Plagueis escape his body?

Let's ignore for a moment how idiotic that theory is and let's pretend that somehow either Palpatine or Vader were "infected" by Plagueis. Palpatine was killed on the Death Star. Vader's body was taken to Endor and burnt. The only one present was Luke Skywalker. So... somehow Plagueis's spirit jumped from Palpatine to Vader on the Death Star and then to... Luke? Without THREE force ghosts (Anakin, Yoda and Obi-Wan) not noticing anything?

FUCK YOU! That's the shittiest "theory" ever!

Oh, and we skipped Count Dooku. Assuming Plagueis jumped from Palpatine to Dooku, then... he jumped back to Palpatine after Anakin killed Dooku?

Again: FUCK YOU. That "theory" doesn't make any sense and clearly was hacked up by some fanboy who wanted to make some clickbait and not by a true Star Wars fan.

Thus, I hereby declare Snoke is not some sort of reincarnation of Darth Plagueis.


The first thing Star Wars fans thought when they saw Snoke was he could be Darth Plagueis, who figured out a way to keep people from dying.

But there were two problems with that theory:

1. Darth Sidious (Palpatine) was very clear when he said Plagueis learned to keep people from dying except for himself. In other words, Plagueis couldd keep others from dying, not himself. Thus, it would not have been possible for Plagueis to revive from the death.

2. Plagueis was a different species from Snoke. His species was the same species as the representative from the Banking Clan. HOWEVER, that was reveled in a novel that Disney then declared not canon anymore. Thus, Snoke could possibly be Plagueis. Except for that fact that, as I already mentioned, Plagueis could not keep himself from dying.


As I said originally, Snoke is none other than Ezra Bridger.

I said that based on two facts:

1. Disney declared only the original 6 Star Wars movies, The Clone Wars, Rebels and, new trilogy are canon and the novels published after the sale of LucasFilm to Disney are canon. But the only "canon" source that shows somebody actually learning the dark side of the force prior to Episode 7 is Rebels.

2. In Rebels, Ezra Bridger is the only one who actually has access to a Sith holocron. In other words, Ezra is the one character in the new canon who actually learned the ways of the Sith. By learning the ways of the Sith, Ezra Bridger is the only one who could actually teach the dark side properly.

Now lets take a look at the coincidences:

1. Ezra would be about the same age as Snoke by the time of Epsisode 7.

2. Ezra has both of his hands (at least till the end of Season 2 of Rebels). Just like Snoke.

3. Ezra has two scars in his left cheek from an attack by the Grand Inquisitor in Season 1 in Rebels. Snoke has a badly damaged left side of his face.

4. Ezra has an american accent. Snoke is played by Andy Serkis with an American accent.

5. Aside from Palpatine and Darth Vader, -and assuming Darth Maul will be killed by Obi-Wan Kenobi at the Lars homestead in Season 3 of Rebels- Ezra was the only character left in the new canon who knew about the Sith, the dark side, and also knew enough to teach others.

6. The finale of Season 2 of Rebels made it very clear that Ezra will turn to the dark side of the Force. It was fortold by the Force at Lothal's Jedi temple and it it was very clearly shown when Ezra opened the Sith holocron.

This is a key point because Rebels will end after Season 3. There is no point in making Ezra turn to the dark side if we know Vader will still be the Sith apprentice after the series end. Unless you want to save the character for later use, like they did with Darth Maul in Rebels.

Rebels will obviously end with Ezra being either killed or left for dead. He will not become a Jedi. And Kanan Jarrus will die. We know this because Yoda knows about Ezra and Kanan. But in Return of the Jedi he said to Luke "when gone am I, the last of the Jedi will you be."

That means Yoda knows either Kanan and Ezra are dead, or Kanan is dead and Ezra is no longer a Jedi. If he's no longer a Jedi, he can only be one thing: a Sith. Or at the very least a Sith apprentice.

And if Ezra is a Sith, then he is the only surviving character in the new canon who can teach that knowledge to other characters.

Thus, and with all of the evidence in place, it can be said with the authority given by logic and available proof, that Ezra Bridger is in fact Snoke.

Commercially it makes sense. Disney knows how shitty The Force Awakens is. So the only way to tie to back to Star Wars material the fans actually like is by tying Snoke to Rebels.

So I rest my case: Ezra Bridger is Snoke.

Now, I also said at the start of this rant that Episode 7 is poorly written and directed. In fact, Disney had to change entire scenes that already had expensive special effects (Leia getting Luke's light saber from Maz Kanata, which was seen in the trailer for Episode 7 but cut from the movie) when the entire plot for the movie was leaked on the web.

So now that I've told you about Ezra Bridger being Snoke, do expect Disney to try to cover its ass by changing Snoke's identity in order to try to keep the fans interested.

Well, guess what? Nobody gives a flying fuck. The new trilogy is so shitty, it doesn't matter anymore how much Disney changes the plot in order to "surprise" the fans after a leak. They can chnge their asshole for all I care. The point I'm making by revealing Snoke's identity is Disney's writting is so shitty, it's easy to dissect and it is predictable from a mile away.

So there you have it. Ezra Bridger is Snoke and Disney fucked up Star Wars. Now buy my books. They're much more readable than Disney's crap:

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